We prayed that Ezra would not have to be induced.
When I went to my OB appt 2 days before his due date, I was not dilated at all. We were praying we would not have to induce the following week but I was trying to make peace with that possibility. The next day, the day before his due date, I started feeling the “flu-like symptoms” that are sometimes associated with starting labor. I began having regular contractions Tuesday evening, we went into hospital Wednesday morning and he was born Thursday morning.

We prayed I could labor at home as long as possible.
From Tuesday night until Wednesday at about 11:30 we stayed at home. My contractions were regular, ranging from 10 min Tuesday night to 7 in the wee hours of Wed morning to 5 Wednesday when the sun was shining. We took walks around the neighborhood, tried to eat a little something even though I was still feeling yuck and enjoyed the excitement of our little baby on the way.

We prayed I could labor naturally.
Whenever someone would ask if I was going to try to have my baby naturally, I would reply that I would go as long as possible. I wanted the experience of working through that pain, of trusting the Lord in a hard time, and, frankly, of experiencing that part of Eve’s curse. I had hoped to labor and deliver without any drugs and I was successful for the first 14 hours of my active labor. However, when I wouldn’t dilate beyond a 4, they had to give me pitocin, and at that point I was exhausted, so hungry and in a lot of pain. I asked for an epidural and have zero regrets. I immediately felt better. I could sleep and rest and didn’t even feel the contractions once the epidural was in.

We prayed that I could push through the headache.
There was a slight complication with my epidural resulting in some kind of spinal fluid leak that left me with a massive headache. If I moved me left cheek off the pillow, my head felt like exploding. We were immediately concerned that the pressure in my head would make it really hard to push once I finally finished dilating. When I finally did finish dilating, 2o hours after I started, and started pushing, there was absolutely no headache. It was awesome.

We prayed that I wouldn’t have to have a C-section.
I started pushing at about 7am, and at 9am was still pushing. I was so scared my Dr. was going to tell me we weren’t progressing enough and I was going to have a c-section, or at best that she was going to start talking forceps or vacuum extraction. Finally at 9:22, 2 1/2 hours after I started pushing, 22 hours after we arrived at the hospital, 40 hours after I started having regular contractions, and after a small episiotomy since I was going to tear anyways and it might be what did the trick, he was finally born.

So even though labor was so long, and even though I couldn’t do it all natually, it was the best experience I could have asked for. I got to see the Lord sustain me through painful contractions, give me the wonderful relief of drugs, and keep me and my baby safe through our long ordeal. I’m so glad my labor story is what it is.

 This is the first non-goopy/gross picture of him. I’ll spare you the gross ones.

 And I need to just say what a rockstar my husband was through it all, never leaving my side, helping me through everything. This man is amazing and I’m so blessed to call him mine.

How does my husband resist me?

• The over-share – Vulnerability and transparancy have their place. It’s not necessarily in the blogging world. If you use your blog to share every emotion you’re feeling, I’m not interested. If I can know you better via your blog than I know my closest friends, not interested. Now I realize that the point of some blogs is to share a struggle (grief, infertility, etc) and I’m all for that. It’s the ones that share every struggle, every thought, every emotion that whip me. And the occassional post for emoting or sharing a specific struggle are fine. Just not every post and not every struggle. Boundaries are lovely. Embrace them.
• The double-scroll – My time is not really that precious. But that doesn’t mean I want to spend much of it on your blog. If I have to keep scrolling to read every post, I’m gonna skip it. Brevity is the soul of wit.
• The link-and-sell – If your blog is devoted to selling me something or trying to get me to look at other sites to buy things, I’m gonna skip it. Unless I need something specific, I’m not interested in what you think I should buy.

Most of the blogs I enjoy are brief, humorous and honest. I like reading stories of lessons learned, adventures had and thoughts explored. I like pictures and tips and recipes and how-to’s. And I love the blogs that keep me in touch with old friends. You just won’t catch me spending hours blog surfing the aforementioned blogs. I’d rather read a book.

Currently reading:

About to read:

By the Lord’s graceful provision and my husband’s sacrificial hard work, I’m able to stay at home with our son. I stopped working a couple of weeks ago to rest a little and enjoy the holidays before our lives changed forever. But prior to 2 weeks ago, I had been working for a little over a year as a program director at a home for residents with dementia. For your entertainment (if you’re entertained by potty humor like I am), one of my most vivid memories:

One of my residents was roaming the halls a little aggitated. She can’t speak much but she was clearly upset.

She was also carrying around her shoes.

I came up to her to take the shoes to put them back into her room but she didn’t want to give them to me.

Eventually I got the shoes and glanced down.

“Why are there milk duds in her shoes? Where would she get milk duds?

Oh sh— those are not milk duds!

How on earth did she poop in her shoe?”

Gross.

If I’m honest, I don’t miss working…

They were insanely easy to make. I followed the directions from this site the first time but eventually just started eye-balling instead of measuring and didn’t pay attention to details. They’re to catch his spit and drool and vomit. What do I care that they’re of the highest quality?

2011 was great.

We watched our first house being built. We moved in and felt oh-so-grown-up as homeowners.

We marked the first anniversary of B’s death. As a family we celebrated what the Lord had delivered us through, where He was taking us and how He had used a great man to impact our lives.

We found out we were having a baby! After just a few tries, we were watching a movie one night (Green Zone – Matt Damon) and I paused it to go potty, took a test and came back all squeeky and smiley. It was a wonderful night.

We had a complication-free pregnancy. I felt crummy all the first trimester but never actually threw up, only missed 3 days of work the whole pregnancy and, on the whole, had a really easy go of it. (note: do not confuse this to mean I am one of those women who bubbly states, “I love being pregnant.” – But I have been blessed throughout this pregnancy and it could have been so much worse.)

We got to host Christmas at our new house. It was so nice having both families together for the holiday. Shout-out to my mom and mother-in-law for all the help. – And Jeff, he did more than anyone!

Jeff and I enjoyed lots of time together, including a fun little vaca in Galveston and the adventure of getting out house ready and getting ready for our baby together. We had a great year counting our blessings and looking forward to our future.

And while it wasn’t all roses and hummingbirds, it was a great year.

We struggled with finding community. A struggle that still persists. Loving a church so far away creates some logistical headaches. We had a small group that didn’t work out and have been trying ever since to find a new one but with both of our work schedules, Jeff’s school schedule and our comitment to spend each week with family, it’s been hard. We are anxiously waiting for the Lord to answer that prayer in 2012.

I continued to grieve the loss of my brother-n-law. But as a friend told me, the first year grief walks all over you. The second it walks beside and the third it walks behind. As grief walked beside me this year it was far easier to recognize it and work through it.

I worked a job that I didn’t love, but that was the Lord’s provision for our family at that time. It was difficult to go from a career that I loved and knew the Lord had blessed to one that was a paycheck. But still, I was enabled to do it well and I’m thankful for the many lessons I learned.

We have been thanking God for 2011 and praying his blessings for this year to come.

No, wait. That’s the baby pressing on my bladder constantly.

Peeing myself has been one of my fears in pregnancy, thus far unrealised. Thankfully. Although I doubt that fear will go aware after delivery.

I’ve learned a few lessons during this pregnancy. Allow me to share them as they come to me. Currently 3 come to mind:

• When someone tells you what they’re going to name their baby, don’t tell them you have a friend who named their kid the same thing. Unless intentionally naming after a family member (or I guess a famous person), no one wants to hear how unoriginal they are. I hate-hate-hate hearing, “oh I have a friend who named their son that.” I’ve heard it several times – and we did not pick a name that is common.
• Don’t repeatedly ask your pregnant friend if she’s sure there aren’t twins in there. She’s sure. The dr. has assured her. The sonogram has assured her. You are not a dr, you’re just calling her really fat. – and why do I even have to write that one? How is that not common sense?
• If you’re pregnant, reconsider posting pictures of your bare pregnant belly for all to see. My best friend was over the other day and asked to see my stomach. I lifted my shirt and she busted out laughing. I haven’t heard her laugh that hard in years. Now, is that something I would want to share with a wider range of people? No. Likewise, it’s not something I want to see from the pregnant population at large. Also making sonogram pics profile pics isn’t my preference either. It doesn’t really bother me, I just can’t really read them so all I see is a grey confusing blob.

Now I know these are just one hormonal woman’s irritations, but that’s the beauty of it being my blog, isn’t it?

I don’t think he intended on my wearing it non-stop, even over clothes.

But I do – it’s just that comfortable.

And at 9 months pregnant, comfort is my main priority.

At least at 9 months, we know that said bathrobe isn’t hiding sexy, just a whole lot of belly.

Thanks, Mom!

BEFORE

boring….

AFTER

Our first destination on our road trip of awesomeness – my favorite fast food joint of all

After carb loading, we killed time at the outlet mall. Big mistake when you have no job and no reason to buy new clothes. Boo!

After we checked into our hotel in San Antonio, we went and explored the riverwalk.

The next day, we had a delicious breakfast at Taco Taco then went to Sea World!

I was so excited!

We are rockstars who managed not to have to bring anything into the park and thus suffer the $14 daily locker rental fee. But because of that, I didn’t actually get any pictures of Sea World. But I took pictures in my heart.

The best thing at Sea World – the baby shamu!

It was so precious. The worst thing about Sea World (aside from the locker fee), the fact that the trainers don’t get in the water with the whales right now. I blame that whale in Florida who killed her trainer. She ruined it for all of us.

Anyways, after almost 12 hours at Sea World, we were tired.

So we grabbed some Freebirds and hit the sack.

Unfortunately, the fire alarm went off twice that night. It was so loud and scary. I think it stole some of my soul.

The next day, Jeff & I participated in a Southwest Texas State weeked tradition – the river float.

I’d never seen the river so crowded, or drunk, but we had a good a time.

*That's actually a pic of the Guadalupe, but it was the best pic I could find of a crowded river.

We enjoyed one last yummy meal on the River Walk and then headed home the next morning. It was a great long weekend.

Thanks, husband!