How to Get a Girl: Tip 10

Prepare yourself for marriage

Here’s some ways you can do that:

Have married men in your life. – I spend a lot – a lot! – of time with my married friends. And those women teach me more than I could ever learn without them. I watch them, I ask questions and I learn tons about communication, sacrifice, planning, submission, etc. Men need to be doing the same things. If you are only ever surrounded by your single guy friends, I don’t care how godly or wise they are -  you are not presented with good examples of marriages; you are not going to be near prepared. Also, ask them questions and listen to their answers and – if their marriage is strong – follow their advice!

Handle your finances – women are looking for their provider. So if you can’t handle your budget when it’s just you, how will you provide for a family? And that doesn’t just mean paying off debt, it means saving for a family.

Take care of yourself – Your wife will want to take care of you, but she probably won’t want to take on some hot mess who is completely out of shape and can hardly keep it together enough to stay on top of deadlines, keep a decently clean house, etc. (It’s part of growing up)

These are just 3 – not even the top 3 – but maybe they’re helpful just the same =)

How to get a Girl: Tip 9

Facebook is not your wingman.

If your primary way of hitting on girls is via facebook or text message, you are a pansy. Draw yourself a nice, warm bubble bath and put on Enya while you consider a new hobby because you’re going to be single awhile. Either that, or you’ll find yourself with weak-willed women. Both are sad options.

Look, flirting via facebook and/or text message is fine. Getting to know more about someone in those ways, fine. But texting, emailing or facebooking a girl to score a date – not okay.

I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again – ask the girl out – to her face or over the phone. Remember, initiative is often rewarded hot.

How to Get a Girl: Tip 8

Every man for himself.

So you know you “code” that says you won’t scam on the girl your buddy is interested in? The BBH rule?

It is stupid.

If there is a girl you are interested in, it shouldn’t matter if another guy has expressed interest in her, previously dated her or even if she is his little sister. You should go for it.

My brother-in-law stole his now-wife from his then-best friend. Lost a best friend but gained a wife. Definitely traded up.

I know there’s something to be said for loyalty. That’s  mildly attractive – but what’s more attractive? Going for it. Taking chances. Taking initiative.

It might hurt the friendship. So what. Because at the end of the day, who would you rather wrap your arms around – your buddy with questionable hygiene and no game, or the girl you’re both in to?

So go steal that girl … she wants you anyways.

How to Get a Girl: Tip 7

It’s not an interview.

I’m going off my friend’s experience here – not my own.

But I was talking to a friend last night after a party with a bunch of church-y singles, and she talked about how much she hates it when she feels like a guy’s interrogating her on a date or even to see if he wants a date.

-”tell me about your relationship with the Lord”
-”do you drink, smoke, party?”
-”where did you go to college and what for and for how long?”
-”what are your spiritual gifts and how do you use them?”

whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa

There you go being too picky again with those standards that are impossibly high and will leave you lonely!

All I’m saying is, you can find out about a girl through conversations and shared experiences. Don’t resort to quickly measuring a girl’s worth by a set of predetermined criteria and how well she lives up.

Get to know a girl, not her credentials. She may surprise you.

(ps – I talked to a guy for 40 minutes at that party and he did not get my number! I’m sorry, but if he was so eager to talk that long, he wanted the number, he just didn’t go for it. -  what. the. junk?!)

How to Get a Girl: Tip 6

Romance is subjective.

By that I mean, flowers and a poem are going to mean to one girl what letting her pick the movie and restaurant are going to mean to another.

Each girl has her own idea of romance. So get to know your girl. What does she spend her time doing? What makes her laugh? What helps her de-stress? What does she get excited about?

Take, for example, me – I have, at one time or another, dated a “romantic.” He did the flowers thing, the love songs thing, the nicknames thing. And all of that was very sweet and appreciated. But I have also dated a man who took my dishes away at the dinner table, who told me very specific reasons he was attracted to me, who took me on really creative dates. In my opinion, the latter was the more romantic. (and if you know me, don’t try to figure out who I’m talking about – you’d be wrong)

Don’t get me wrong – your girl needs to take the same advice. And I’m not expecting you to give up all your notions of romance, I’m just suggesting you tailor your romance to the girl and her unique personality and feelings. She will totally notice and definitely appreciate it. And if you need help figuring out what it romance looks like for your girl, ask her girl friends. I’m sure they’ve got ideas.

Here’s a hint – things that are not romantic (ladies, feel free to add to this list!)

• “baby can you rub my belly?”
• “your mama fine, you should look a-ight old”
• inserting her name into a trendy rap song (Amanda, you can have whatever you like – Amanda got them apple-bottom jeans, boots with the fur…)
• belching her name
• splitting the check
• “when was the last time you worked out?”

Happy romancing!

How to Get a Girl: Tip 5

A first date does not mean marriage.

If you have had your sights on a girl for several weeks or months, have been praying about asking her out, have been seeking counseling about asking her out, have been asking her friends about her, etc – stop stalling you pansy and ask her out already!

A first date does not mean marriage. You do not have to know this is the girl for you before you take her on one date. If you go on a date, it’s not there, and you’re not up for more – that’s fine. It’s only been one date. I seriously doubt the girl is calling her folks and telling them you’re “the one” (if she is, run!) If you go on a date and you’re still not sure, spring for the second. Two dates doesn’t mean marriage either.

What a first date does mean is that you’re getting out there, having some fun, meeting girls and are one step closer to finding a beautiful wife. Learn to love and embrace the first date. Become a first-date master!

And don’t worry about all this first-dating. You may get a reputation as a “player” but, hey, that’s actually kind of hot.

How to Get a Girl: Tip 4

Use your friends.

Hopefully you have friends. If not, make some. Once you have some – use them.

Here’s the thing, I live in a small town, attend a good-sized church, but one with no single guys, and work with only married people. So, outside of the intentional effort I put into going out to where singles are, I don’t generally run in the same circles as available men. So I am not at all opposed to the “set up.” You shouldn’t be either.

And even if you do run in the same circles as available single girls, you’re not asking them out. So let your friends do the work for you and set you up. But make sure it’s friends who know you well and are looking out for your best interests. I have friends who will set me up with anyone. “Hey, Amanda. Check out our waiter. I didn’t see a ring. Maybe he’ll go out with you.” Wow. Thanks for all the thought and prayer you put into this match!

No – go with friends who know you, know the girl and actually think you’re well suited for each other. Then, trust your friends.

Here’s the thing with a set up. Unless you’re pretty much repulsed by her or she by you, you’ve got a guaranteed first date – if you’ll secure it. She’s expecting the date, she’ll agree to the date, she’ll try to be super-charming and attractive on the date – mostly because you don’t know her at all so she’s got a lot to lose. But go for it.

Trust your friends and their judgment – especially since your own judgment clearly is not without its flaws!

Happy set-up!

How to Get a Girl: Tip 3

Cut your hair and get a job.

(and this is just my personal preference. Some chicks like shaggy guys – although I’m betting they don’t like freeloading guys)

There seems to be a prevailing trend toward a prolonged adolescence these days. I understand that you need to “find yourself” and experience life to the fullest before you give up everything to settle down and start a family. I know it’s super-hard to pursue women, prepare yourself for marriage and look to start a family. That is hard (sarcasm).

This belief that your twenties are for you to have fun and that there’s no rush to settle down – it’s wrong and stupid.

Cut your hair.

It will help you get a job. Employers want to hire someone who looks professional.

Long, gross, shaggy hair and/or beard – not professional – unless you’re applying for that hard to land position at GameStop (the fourth word on that page is a typo – i love it.) (edit: they fixed it, but it used to be!)

Get a job

Here’s the thing, you don’t have to have the job you’re going to do forever. I understand that it takes time to find what you love. What you should probably understand, though, is – women want to know they are going to be provided for. If we have to wonder if you’re going to ask us to pay at the end of the night because you’re short on cash as a result of your unemployment, it’s not going to go well.

Show people that you are adult enough to handle the business of providing for yourself and your family.

(remember when I broke the news to you that you’re not as good looking as you think you are? Cutting your hair might even make you more attractive – not just more marketable.)

How To Get A Girl: Tip 2

Tip #2: Lower your standards

Now, I’m not saying you don’t want a great girl. I’m not saying you  want a girl with poor character or no integrity. I’m just saying, you may be shooting a little high. Here’s how:

and this first one’s going to sting a little …

1. You’re not as good looking as you think you are (unless you’re (The Rebound) – wow).

That girl who’s not pretty enough for you – actually is. Now I know there needs to be a physical attraction. I get it. But, seriously, when you’re only physically attracted to the super-hot ones you can’t get, maybe it’s time to reevaluate.

and let me add – you’re so lucky physical attraction isn’t nearly as important to us as it is to y’all.

2. You’re holding out for the complete package when it’s not necessary.

Here’s what you may not understand – girls can be trained!

Your criteria should be: Loves Jesus, is teachable (similar to my criteria: Loves Jesus, has a job)

Your criteria should not be: certain look, certain job, loves german shepherds, hates shopping, cooks well, blah-blah-blah

The perfect one you keep holding out for – you may find her, but probably not. But if you can find a girl who’s teachable and surrounds herself with godly women who know their stuff, she will learn how to fulfill the other roles she may be lacking in. If she’s not teachable, keep looking – she’s probably a lost cause.

Go get em, tiger!

How to Get a Girl

Single Guys,

After having several conversations that end in, “maybe he just doesn’t know,” I’ve decided to help you out. Here’s a series of posts with tips on how to get a girl. It’s not as hard as you think

Oh, and if you’re one of those guys who just isn’t into dating right now or who is busy with other things, doesn’t want anything serious, or is just having fun – these aren’t for you. My only advice for you is:

GROW UP – be the man God intended you to be and do it quickly, you are missing out on some amazing women.

But to those of you who really maybe just don’t have a clue:

How to Get a Girl

Tip #1 – Ask her out!

Did I just blow your mind? …

I realize it is hard to ask a girl out. I understand that it takes courage to put yourself out there where rejection is a possibility and it’s much safer to wait until it’s a sure thing that she’ll say yes. I get it.

However, let me just put this out there – if you man up and ask her out even if you’re not sure that she’ll say yes, it’s very admirable. We (women) are very impressed by initiative. There’s a good chance we’ll say yes just because you had the courage the to ask.

And along those lines, don’t be afraid to ask out a girl you just met – even if you met her at the grocery store, the gym – whatever. If she smiles at you, isn’t wearing a ring, and you find her mildly attractive, ask her out! What have you got to lose? If she says no, you’ll probably never see her again. Don’t just wait for the perfect girl to go to your church, get invovled, sit by you on Sunday morning – whatev. Take a risk. That’s really attractive to us.

Stay Tuned. This is really just a forum for me to vent my frustrations. But maybe it can serve to help you out too. Next time … Let’s talk about your “standards” – I’m betting – they’re too high!